


Recessional.

by jangyeeuns



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, hanahaki, warning for mild gore ?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21899191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jangyeeuns/pseuds/jangyeeuns
Summary: two hours left until bora's flight leaves, and sitting down in that chair makes minji feel sick to her stomach.two hours, and each second ticking by feels like razor sharp sand slipping through her fingers.
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Kim Minji | JiU
Comments: 17
Kudos: 83





	1. Chapter 1

**thanks again for driving me! you're a fucking lifesaver.**

minji laughs around the boarding pass she has clenched between her teeth, reaches for bora's bags again and swats at her hands when she tries to take them for herself. the duffel bag bora brought along is probably as big as she is, heavy and full of nearly everything she'd had on the shelves of their tiny apartment. a tiny shock of pain shoots through minji's chest as she pictures those shelves in her mind and thinks about just how empty they'll be when she returns alone. how empty they'll be from now on. how all of the little knick knacks she'd tried so hard to convince bora not to buy from one place or another won't be there anymore, no tiny cactuses in skull shaped pots, no tiny sculptures of melting pugs.

her speech is garbled around the piece of paper, but she rolls her eyes and tries not to sound too shaky when she speaks again.

**what are you going to do without me?**

bora just reaches for the boarding pass, grinning as she tucks it into her shirt pocket and steps aside for a passing family. maybe the lighting is just bad, but minji doesn't think she looks quite as nice under the buzzing white light of an airport as she does from across the table in the fading evening sunlight, poking at a bowl of noodles with a fork. she can't help the way her mind wanders back to a place of bitter regret, back to the repetitive thoughts of how she should have taken more pictures of her - of both of them together. and from there, it just snowballs.

unaware, bora just keeps walking, and minji thinks about the crumpled up pieces of paper she'd stuffed into the back of her drawer; the familiar curves of her roommate's face outlined in pencil.

she should have realized so much sooner. but even if she had, would that have changed anything? and isn't it selfish to want things to be different?

her mind wanders back to the day bora had first told her about the job offer, how excited she'd sounded and how big her smile had been as she'd jumped up and thrown her arms around minji so hard that it took every ounce of minji's strength and balance to keep the two of them upright. this... is her dream. and it would definitely be selfish to want to wedge herself in between bora and her lifelong dream. but still, as she thinks about how ecstatic bora seems to be she can't help but also feel as if, in some way, she shouldn't be that happy to be leaving. that she should want to stay. that it should be harder for her to leave.

but it isn't.

**oh, minji! this is like, the most beautiful airport i've ever been in.**

small but strong hands grip at her forearm to tug her along, all the while motioning at the various sculptures and murals on the airport's walls. as they leave the security checkpoint behind and approach the terminal, a heaviness settles in the air around minji. she doesn't think it looks beautiful at all. she hates everything about it. everything from the cheerful watercolor messes of paint on walls to the swirling and confusing abstract hunks of metal arranged on pedestals around the area. it isn't reasonable to blame this airport for taking bora away from her, but she has no else left to blame.

**yeah, i guess it's nice.**

and then bora is all against her, the curves of her breasts and the sharp angles of her elbows all pressing into her back and side as she wraps herself around the back of minji's neck. she's soft and warm and god, if it was possible to just exist forever in this moment maybe that would be the choice that minji would make. but it doesn't last. not even a minute, only a collection of fleeting seconds before bora is peeling herself off and scurrying ahead to all but collapse into one of the expensive looking terminal seats, motioning minji to follow along. two hours left until bora's flight leaves, and sitting down in that chair makes minji feel sick to her stomach.

 _two hours,_ and each second ticking by feels like razor sharp sand slipping through her fingers.

_two hours and twenty minutes... two hours and twenty minutes, twenty one seconds. twenty. nineteen. eighteen -_

minji's eyes tear away from the rapidly changing fluorescent letters and numbers etching their way across an announcements board above their heads as she feels bora's head come to rest on her shoulder. the way it tightens her chest makes her almost fear that her rib cage might shatter under the pressure and take her soul along with it. it means nothing but it feels like everything and if she isn't careful, she fears whatever tethers her heart to the beautiful young woman resting against her may pull taut as the plane takes off, tear the organ from her chest and leave her to bleed out right here on the terminal floor.

**wake me up before my flight, okay?**

bora's voice is small and muffled and full of sleep and drowsy drawling slurring syllables, and the way it sounds tugs at that horrible string knotted around minji's heart just a little bit more. she can feel it constrict like it might pull too tight and manage to suffocate her. some selfish part of her mind wanders off, skipping along a trail of horrible cruel thoughts of how it would be so easy to just leave her sleeping and keep her here... but there would be nothing to gain from such a greedy and misguided action, only the fear and risk that bora might hate her forever for such a thoughtless betrayal and the hopeless reality that if it isn't this flight which she leaves on, it will be another.

**yeah, of course.**

she thinks she says it, but maybe she doesn't. if she does, it doesn't feel like she's the one speaking. it feels like her own voice has betrayed her but she knows that if she cares about bora - if she's ever cared about bora - she has to make sure she doesn't ruin everything. it feels too final, though. all of this feels too final. as she hears bora's breathing shift and knows she's drifted off to sleep, she sets her jaw and wills herself not to cry. it truly isn't fair to anyone that she feels like this. the girl sleeping on her shoulder doesn't belong to her and for all she knows might not even care about her at all beyond the passing conversations and fleeting time they'd spent as roommates.

when she goes home today, the apartment will be empty. void of life besides her and her few little dying plants. her stomach churns as she tries to picture everything gone from the small space, all of bora's photos and belongings and clothes scattered over the backs of chairs, empty cereal bowls sitting in the sink unwashed. it'll be so quiet with only her around.

and when she wants someone to talk to, when she has something to share that she's excited about or upset about... what will she do if she can't just yell to the next room?

all the time they'd spent together but apart - in the same apartment but different rooms, days spent not speaking because the silence frequently became so comfortable... it all seems like such a waste now, and she secretly wonders if perhaps she'll regret it for the rest of her life or if that's something she'll get over with time.

bora snores softly in her sleep. just once.

a man in a business suit passes by carrying a shih tzu in his arms, and a woman scurries by with two children trailing close behind. two teenagers, a boy and a girl who are chattering happily as the cord of her headphones drags along on the floor behind her from her back pocket. a janitor. flight attendants. minji thinks this would certainly be a gorgeous airport if her heart wasn't being broken into pieces like a cold chocolate bar - uneven shards splintering off in places they aren't meant to.

thoughts of how unfair it is for all of this to be happening just when she's finally come to terms with what she feels wash away, and onto the shore of her conscience the waves bring new doubts. it is unfair. but isn't it also unfair to be in love with her? to be this upset and distraught and sad? she might feel nothing... she probably feels nothing. minji's stomach churns at the idea, at the thought. maybe knowing is worse. maybe it would have been better if she had never even realized what the tightness in her chest means.

 _maybe bora is straight_ . minji thinks, and that doesn't make it any better but at the same time maybe it kind of does. at least, better than anything else she's tried so far. she probably is. she tells herself, completely unaware of her hand gently running through the younger woman's hair as she sleeps. _she'll meet some man, she'll get married and settle down and have a child. she'll be happy._

bora stirs in her sleep, nuzzling in closer and resting her head full on minji's chest.

airports aren't supposed to be this quiet. or maybe the blood that rushes to minji's ears just deafens her.

**i love you, minji.**

this time, it's definitely the blood in her ears. or the world has just frozen around her. maybe she's frozen too. she feels sick. bora's voice is soft in her sleep but clear, unmistakable. the sleepy tone is pulled a little thin by drowsiness, by the way her lips curl up into a little smile as she drapes an arm around minji's waist.

minji feels sick.

sick to her stomach as bora coughs in her sleep. sick with the taste of bile rising in her throat as her hand stills in bora’s hair and her world comes to a screeching halt all around her.

but only for her.

an airport employee passing by doesn’t stop to ask if she’s okay. the mother and son laughing as they jump from one dark colored tile to another don’t notice the pale color of minji’s face.

it doesn’t mean anything. she knows it doesn’t mean anything.

but with the way it sounds in bora’s voice, she can’t help but desperately wish that it did.

minji doesn’t know how long she’s sitting there in silence with bora against her, stirring and coughing occasionally - but as with all good things eventually it comes to an end. the absence of weight on her chest as bora raises her head and shakes sleep from her mind feels almost suffocating and all she wants is whatever time she spent like that to come back and last forever.

she jumps in her seat as an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, calling a missing passenger to their respective gate and flight. her sudden movement in turn startles bora, who abruptly sits up completely and rubs sleep from her eyes. she gives a drowsy smile and leans her head against the back of the chair.

**sorry, i didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.**

minji just laughs, and she hopes the sound doesn’t come across as forced as it feels. she shakes her head, smiles at bora as warmly as she can. bora smiles back, still just as drowsy eyed and lovely.

 _you know,_ minji wants to say _you could just stay here. you could stay here and not leave and i would like that a lot, i think._ bora’s eyes are dark, pupils dilating as she adjusts to the state of being awake again. _i would like that a lot. i like you a lot._

but instead she says: **do you need a cough drop?**

the answer is no. bora shakes her head. minji nods.

**okay.**

the clock in the airport chimes the time and minji’s already heavy heart turns to stone and plummets down past her rib cage into her stomach. bora’s eyes are locked on her own, and it’s so hard to even think. not when she’s trying to count the facets in the color of bora’s eyes because this is her last chance to do so. 

twenty minutes

that’s all she has left.

twenty minutes, and she thinks it would take her years to make sure she remembers every color hidden in those brown eyes.

the realization that after all these years they’ve known one another, just a few seconds are going to take all of that away settles into minji’s stomach with an acidic ferocity and she thinks it might eat it’s way out through her skin.

**i’m going to miss you.**

when minji looks up to meet bora’s gaze she feels nauseous and dizzy and weak. the warm smile that etches across bora’s features reminds her of the night the winter before when the power had gone out and they had searched the whole place just to scrounge up a few tiny, broken birthday candles to try and make light. it reminds her of how bora had laughed and rolled her eyes in the dim light of a burning out flash light as they sat cross legged together on minji’s bed and talked for all those hours.

minji tears her eyes away and looks back down at the terminal floor. ugly outdated carpet in colors the shades of fish scales one might see at a market when all the better options have sold.

she studies the patterns there for a long moment, and then she finally nods. a drawn out and slow nod, not the kind that would be able to dislodge the lump in her throat that’s choking her up and making her completely unable to say anything in response. her voice is hoarse when she speaks and she wishes she hadn’t said anything at all.

**i’ll miss you too, bora.**

although she tries, she can’t make eye contact when she looks back up. but looking at bora’s lips doesn’t make things any better because as she studies the slightly chapped skin where her bottom lip juts out into a tiny pout, she remembers the taste of alcohol mixed with spit and lime and salt and how flushed those dimpled cheeks had gotten.

ten minutes. and then five.

as bora stands up, something flutters to the floor by her feet. something small and delicate and red. bora doesn’t seem to even notice, just wrapping her arms around minji’s neck in a far too brief, far too rushed hug. when she pulls away, it’s as if part of minji’s heart breaks off and goes with her - as if she’s lost a crucial part of herself and everything is closing in to crush her before she has a chance to fight back. when she pulls away, her arms stay draped around minji’s neck just long enough for her to lean in and press a petal-soft kiss into the warmth of her cheek before stepping back completely. 

minji’s heart forgets how to beat and the pressure inside her chest becomes a vice grip on her lungs. it feels as if an entire garden suddenly blooms within them and climbs up in her chest, her windpipe, her throat - as if an entire garden has grown there with the purpose of blooming in her mouth as acid and strangling down anything she might have had the strength to say before. as bora pulls away, minji bends to pick the paper up to hand back to her but by the time she straightens her back and goes to hold out her hand it’s too late.

bora turns to wave with a little half-smile, and then she vanishes through the boarding gate. the fear that it could be something important courses through minji’s veins like ice water and there’s a lump in her throat as she opens her palm to see what it is. her brow dimples in confusion as she looks at her palm and realizes it isn’t paper at all but instead a single red flower petal, the color from which is smeared across her hand where her fingers had closed in around it. 

she takes a momentary pause from her confusion to reach for her phone as it vibrates in her back pocket, and when she looks at the screen it’s as if all of the windows and skylights around her just shatter all at once. it’s as if everything has broken and she’s being torn to ribbons by the millions of tiny little shards of jagged glass. 

**_i love you, minji._ **

when she reaches up to brush fingers over the place where bora’s kiss had touched her cheek, her fingertips come away tinted with the same coppery red the petal had left in its wake on her open palm, and she realizes that the flower isn’t red but white; saturated through with the same sanguine color painting the soft skin of bora’s lips. she pictures blooming flowers growing in the hollow of bora’s chest, petals and vines digging their way through her throat, white petals soaked through with blood resting on bora’s tongue only to dislodge and flutter to the floor as coughs rattle her tiny form. 

**_i love you, minji._ **

desperately, her blood-slick fingers try to type out a response but as she presses send a little red exclamation mark appears alongside the text bubble. _not delivered._

finally, minji cries.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> surprise.

the airport clock loudly chimes the hour, but the blood in minji's ears is too loud.

_**damn** _ **it!**

with blurred vision, she desperately tries to catch any glimpse of bora in that corridor leading to the plane but she knows full well it's far too late for that. 

**damn it, damn it, _damn_ it -**

shaking hands push her phone back into her pocket and smear blood over the light blue denim of her jeans in the process. 

how long had she spent believing she was somehow saving bora by not telling her the truth? how many days had gone by with the two of them in separate rooms dreaming of one another? and all of those dates they'd been on, all the outings to little cafes where they'd spent so much time just in silence with each other's company - how many of those had been spent with unsaid words and an aching heart? 

how many nights had bora spent choking on her love, thinking this was all there could ever be?

she thinks it must have been too long. too many.

and she wonders when it was that the beautiful girl with sparkling brown eyes decided that letting it suffocate her and strangle her and destroy her was the only way out.

with panic swelling in her chest like a brewing hurricane, minji stands there in the terminal and tries to compose herself. tries to tell herself maybe it isn't what it seems like. that bora will just text her when the flight has landed and explain it all away accompanied by one of those little emojis and laughter. 

she knows that's a lie.

she knows that the vines growing in bora's lungs don't work that way. that how deeply red the petal now clutched in her palm is means that by the time that plane touches down in some far away city there might not even be a bora left to text her anymore. 

that a text message couldn't save her life anyway. 

as the world pushes in around her and threatens to steal the breath from _her_ lungs as well a sudden announcement over the airport's intercom system breaks through the deafening silence. 

she doesn't hear the names, only the flight number. only the urgent tone in the voice - only the message. last call for boarding. last call for missing passengers before the plane departs from the airport. 

and her blood runs cold and burning hot all at the same time, her stomach turns over and a coppery taste rises in her mouth and her nostrils as anxiety courses through her. 

her knees feel weak and unsteady but they manage to carry her to the little desk alongside the door leading to the corridor connecting to the plane, and minji feels an ugly hollow in the pit of her stomach that almost steals her voice when she tries to speak. but she doesn't have any other choices, this is her only chance and the only thing she can do to even try and fix this - and is it really even a choice? with a shaking hand she reaches up to push her hair out of her face, forgetting in her dread and terror that the palm is smeared drying red. the airline employee sees but doesn't seem to think much of it. 

**boarding pass, please.**

she holds out her hand and minji stares at it dumbly for a moment before looking back up at her eyes. 

**no, i -**

**you don't have a boarding pass?**

minji's bottom lip quivers as she shakes her head, her nails dig so hard into her palm that she's sure the blood there isn't all from bora anymore. the girl behind the desk raises an eyebrow at her and retracts her hand, glancing over minji's shoulder and scanning the surrounding area. no doubt looking for the passengers that haven't showed up yet. minji swallows and bites her lip hard as she tries to gather her nerve to continue, reminding herself that she doesn't have time to overthink things. 

**i - no, no. but i need to get on this flight.**

the girl looks up at her again with an expression minji can only really read as exhaustion. she draws in a long breath and then exhales it in an equally long sigh. 

**it's a full flight, ma'am. there aren't any seats.**

frustration wells up in minji like boiling water and she feels it stinging at the back of her eyes but she knows that crying isn't going to help anything - she needs to stay composed because staying calm is the best thing to do right now and being levelheaded about this is the only way to resolve it. she nods, and then purses her lips and takes a deep breath through her nose. 

**i... right, but you... you're missing passengers - so there must be seats if they don't show up -**

the expression on the girl's face doesn't change but a little more tiredness finds the light in her eyes and she sighs again before reaching up to run a hand through her hair. 

**ma'am, they probably will show up. it's an international flight, they paid a lot of money for it. the chances that they won't show up are very -**

**\- but if they _don't._**

she doesn't mean to interrupt but the panic erupts from her in an urgent and tense tone, distress clearly underlying her words. the girl just looks at her. probably annoyed that she's being so persistent, probably annoyed that the flight is being held up by missing passengers in the first place. and that, she understands. but her sympathy doesn't outweigh her desperation in this case, and she isn't going to just give up that easily. so she collects herself again and then continues speaking, with a more level tone.

**if they don't show up and there's a seat left, i don't care how expensive it is. i need to be on this flight.**

yet another sigh from the girl but this time she nods. it's been a minute or two now. surely if the other passengers were going to show up, they would have by now. and she feels as though her heart is just going to jump up her throat and out of her mouth. she dreads the response, dreads the probable denial. dreads the certainly negative reply. 

**three thousand and twenty.**

minji's heart sinks. but she nods. that's better than being told there's no chance, at least. it's... a couple months of pay but that's fine. the girl glances down at her screen and then back up, and she looks even more exhausted. its' been long enough now that minji is sure they can't just keep waiting. the plane has to depart sometime. she opens her mouth to speak but the airline employee beats her to it. 

**look, we really don't have time for -**

before she can stop herself she finds the words stumbling out of her mouth in a jumbled array and a desperate hand slamming down on the edge of the desk. 

**i _have_ to be on - if... if i'm not on this flight, someone is going to _die!_**

the girl's expression shifts to one of surprise and confusion, and she stumbles backward just a step. 

**ma'am? i'm _sorry_ \- ?**

she cringes at her own horrible phrasing and shakes her head to try and reassure that she didn't mean it the way it certainly sounded, and then she holds her hand up where pieces of petal are stuck to the skin. there's no guarantee that it'll be understood what she's trying to communicate, but it's the best attempt she can possibly make. 

**there's a girl on that flight, and she...** her bottom lip quivers, tears sting at her eyes again and she has to swallow and look up for a moment to keep herself from crying. **she texted me to tell me she loves me. she doesn't know i love her back.** she knows how much easier it would be to just say the name of what's really happening, but even just the thought of that burns at her throat in a way that makes her feel sick and she can't bring herself to do it. she lowers her hand again, reaches into her pocket for her wallet and starts to fumble through it for her credit card. **i... i have the money, i can -**

when she looks back up the understanding has finally settled into the girls features and she looks down at minji's hands and the blood there, the little pieces of torn petal. and then back up at minji, and she bites her bottom lip. and then she shakes her head, and minji's heart just sinks like a fucking rock down into the pit of her stomach. minji shakes her head furiously back and she can't help the way the tears start to push past the dam holding them back and trickle down her cheeks. 

**no, no please. please, i can pay, please, please. i have to -**

the girl holds up a hand to silence her and then looks back over her shoulder. she draws a breath in and then exhales. and then she rolls her eyes and reaches up to press a button on her headset. 

**hold on just a little longer, i have someone boarding last minute. i'll send her your way.**

confusion floods minji's veins at the same second relief does, but the girl offers her a crooked smile and then motions for her to head down the boarding corridor. she stutters out part of a question, but it doesn't make any sense even to her own ears. she feels a tightness in her chest but this time it feels a little less suffocating, a little more like hope. 

**are you serious?**

her voice is quiet and breathless, but the girl just nods and pushes her hands away when she tries to offer her wallet again. she looks around one more time and then makes a hand motion to shoo minji off down the hall. 

**just... don't like, blow the plane up. okay?**

minji nods. she makes a note of the girl's name tag, makes sure to remember her name. just so she can find a way to repay her somehow. just so she can figure out how to repay this kindness. and then she sets off down the corridor, still wiping her hands off on her jeans furiously. she's greeted at the end of the walkway by a flight attendant with a bright but tired smile who nods at her and welcomes her onto the flight and directs her to an empty seat. it's almost a full flight, but not quite. she can see a few empty ones here and there as she's sort of scanning the aisles to see if she can see bora's face. 

she can't, just a sea of unfamiliarity. 

and then the flight attendant motions to a seat and she turns to thank her, only for her gaze to fall on the seat next to the empty one she's being guided to. 

there, oblivious and exhausted but glowing as always... bora. all of these seats, and somehow this is the one she's being told to sit in. her heart dives up her throat as she thanks the flight attendant and moves to sit down. 

bora barely looks up from her phone at first, just glancing over enough to see someone sitting beside her and heave an obvious sigh of disappointment at not having the row to herself. but then minji moves her hands to rest in her lap, and out of the corner of her eye she sees bora's posture change. her whole form stiffens. and her gaze lifts up to meet minji's. confusion paints her features as her eyes flick over the face of her seat mate. and then everything about her softens. minji smiles as best she can - crooked and awkward but something of a smile nonetheless. 

**i...**

there's nothing to be afraid of anymore besides the prospect of not saying anything at all. of letting this all go unsaid. of ruining it, letting it crash and burn and watching bora wither away. she swallows hard and it feels like she's swallowing all her fear and terror and anxiety down too. and she lifts her eyes to meet bora's and tries not to think about the garden blooming inside of her. when she finally speaks she watches the relief and calm wash over bora like a beautiful tide. a refreshing rain. she sees a light come back into bora's eyes that she thought she'd never see again. it may be the first time she's saying it, but she's certain it won't be the last.

**i love you too, bora.**


End file.
